so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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