its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
