You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
