well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
