I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
