You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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