Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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