So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
