I have demons in me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
