We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
