Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
