My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
