I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
