I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
