went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
