I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
