ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize