This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
