I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
