I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
that may or may not have been my penis.
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