then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
