who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
