Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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