i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
