Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
