I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
