dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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