I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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