so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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