i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
