i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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