i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
