just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
