hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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