planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
