Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
