No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
cat food counts as protein by the way
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
