Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
