how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
