remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Terrible idea I love it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
