you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
