peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize