some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
