just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
His nipple licking is glorious
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