I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
