I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
