Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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