like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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