so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
