the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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