Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
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He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
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I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize