I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
