I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
