we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
