and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
