im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
