omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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