Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
