either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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