i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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