Say something about gay babies.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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