Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
