it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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