I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
