That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
