I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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