Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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